A day in Vienna

En route to Chisinau, Moldova from Budapest, Hungary, I found it was easiest to pass through Vienna, Austria. A city I have visited before and loved before. Vienna for me is the all- but- perect European city. If I had to rank all the cities in Europe that I have been to, Vienna would certainly be near the top of the list (second of course to Fishbach, Germany).

Vienna's streets are cleaner than Rome's, it's cathedral more impressive than Brussels' and I'm almost positive there are more kiosk flower shops here than in Paris...and the speak Deutsch! An added bonus since these past six years haven't managed to erase all my linguistic knowledge of German.

Needless to say, I feel comfortalbe here.

My train from Budapest took about three hours, which I spent reading and thinking. Upon my arrival, I encountered the shuttle driver who would take me to my hotel. Being that I arrived at 8:00 PM on a Monday night, the shuttle was all but vancant. My travel partner and I were the lone two souls aboard the massive bus.

Yet the low population must have made the drier feel at ease As he accelerated through the narrow streets, he relaxed in his seat and turned up the radio. It wasn't too long before Michael Jackson's "Billy Jean" came on and the radio was turned up several notches higher...and that's when the singing began. With a flawless knowledge of all the lyrics, the driver displayed his musical talent, taking care to even hit all the high, stylzed notes the artist is so known for. More than 24 hours later and I still have in my head "Don't mess around with a young girl's heart...OOO"

The next morning was my only day in the City. Following breakfast I headed to the city center for the first event on my priortized list. This will come as no suprise that it was yet another visit to the Spanische Hofreitschule (Spanish Ridding School). This is the home of the famous Lipinzzaner horses who are the epitome of classical dressage and a symbol of discipline, talent and beauty.

This was my third time seeing these horses, but I am never short of amazed. Perfect piaffe, passage, half-passes and airs were all displayed with effortless execution.

Two and a half hours later, we were back on the street wondering around the city. Since both of us have been here before, we possessed no agenda of museums or landmarks, we were simply there to enjoy the atmosphere that is Vienna.

Multiple cups of coffee, park benches, window shopping and of course schnitzel were all enjoyed in the beautiful sun we were lucky enough to have today.

I spent this evening enjoying the hotel room and attempting to prepare myself for what lies ahead of me...Moldova. A Place I have never been. A place that is, as I've been told, unlike any place I've been. A place where our lodging is unknown and our schedule is unknonw.

Needless to say, my imagination is filled with the details I lack in reality.

I'll keep you posted...

Leaving Hungary

I watched this evening as the pastel sunset casually swept across the sky. The day ending colors were also country ending colors as I watched the sun sink through the window on a train bound for Vienna.

As the rhythmic motion of the train promised relaxation for the next few hours, I couldn't help but to think about my time in Hungary and all that I had learned about this dynamic, tragic, captivating and adaptable people and their lesser known history.

Walking throughout Budapest was enlightening. Several months ago I had been looking for some simple fact about this part of the world and ended up spedning several months researching this intriguing country.

Suddenly it was all there in front of me; the symbolic statues, government gathering places, momuments to freedom. I saw the memorials that marked the first Hungarian revolution in the 1800's. I stood in front of the Parliament building that provided the stage for a group of students in 1956. A place where they read a list of public demands for change they finally felt brave enough to voice following the recent death of Stalin.

I stood in the square where the government responded with less than diplomatic actions that led to a public massacre that in turn instigated the Hungarian revolution of 1956. The very revolt that led to one of the greatest Soviet military movements that was executed in an effort to regain conntrol of the centrally located piece of their newly formed union.

The Soviets may have succeeded with the help of their 2,000 some tanks that were brought to reside within the city limits, but the Hungarians succeeded in one phenomenal task...creating substianted fear inside the hearts of the Soviet leaders.

The progressive struggles of this country became clearer and clearer as Csilla and I walked all around the city as dusk was beginning to settle. With sincere emotion, she related to me how difficult things still are for the people of Hungary.

'Communism fell on the outside' she said, 'but it still lives inside of so many people'.

As we made our way along the Danube, the corruption of their government was explained to me without reservation or any attempts to present to me the rose colored version of reality. Csilla was heartbreakingly honest.

Hungary joined the European Union in 2004, something I knew before, but there are still some hang ups. The Hungarian leaders had to make promises to the EU; actions needed to be made by the governing bodies to fully comply with the morally high standards of the EU. The Hungarian leaders said they would; they didn't.

One major consequence of these unfulfilled promises is their currency. Although an EU member, Hungary is not on the Eruo, a currency change that tends to benefit the local econmy. In a nut shell, Hungary had substantial debt when they joined the union, so in turn the union gave the leaders of Hungary sufficient funds to get out of debt, but somehow, those designated funds ended up in the personal bank accounts of a few unnamed individuals and Hungary remained in seirous debt. The EU then determined no Euro.

There was a brief time period in which the democratic party was in office. 'They got us out of debt' she said, 'we finally had money... Hungary seemed to have hope. But that didn't last long'.

When I inquired about how it was possible, with a democratic voting system, that these post communistic leaders kept ending up in office, a painful expression took over her face. After a few minutes of silence, she began the long explanation of the devistating, long lasting effects communism has on the minds of the citizens who were raised under communism.

'They think and function just as they were programed to. They see those ideals and values of communism and something inside of them turns on, and they follow'.

'There are so many lies' she said. Lies...a word I heard more in those few hours of conversation than I typically do over the course of a few weeks, months perhaps.

'I didn't even have a clue what the truth was, so I had to make it a priority in my life to try to find out what the truth actually was'.

This truth quest lead her to the 'House of Terror' a name not meant for a artificial fear producing ride inside an amusement park, but the name of a museum in Budapest containing so much information about the truth of communism.

'It was tortorious' she said, shaking her head. Her sporadic pauses indicated more emotion than a complete book of Hungarian history ever could.

There is still tension between the government and the people, still fear the government feels towards the public. 'They hate it when the citizens gather together and so they try to do all they can to prevent and discourage it'.

Taking all of this in, there was still one part of the day that was additionally emotional for me. On that fateful day in October some fifty years ago, the public read their demands, it thus started such a powerful reaction from the people. As a result, statues were torn down and buildings were set on fire. Yet something even more powerful was started that night.

After Hugary became under the oppression of the Soviet Union, a Soviet coat of arms was affixed in the center of the traditional Hungarian flag; an ever powerful symbol of the permanent presence of communism. In an act of untimate rebellion, on that significant night, the Hungarian people began ripping out the Soviet coat of arms, leaving countless of Hungarian flags with gaping holes in the center; an equally symbolic sign of their repulsion to the Soviet rule.

These maimed flags few all over the city, with their giant, obvious holes. The people wanted out, they had had enough. Oppression can only be tolerated for so long before it violently comes to an end or else it violently increases. This was clearly demonstrated by these events that took place in 1956 at the very place I was standing on Monday.

In an effort to comemorate these events and those preciously courageous individuals, a monument is standing in the very square in front of their Parliament building in which these horrific events occured.

The momument is simple. It's a grave. Above the grave is a flag, with a hole, and next to the grave is a sign with this inscription that so brilliantly captures the past events and present difficulties of this beautiful and sorrowful nation.

'The Hungarian flag has a hole in it because on October 23, 1956 the revolutionist, those Hungarians who revolted against the Soviet Untion, tore out of it the foreign coat of arms that symbolized the power of the Soviet Unsion and communism. Since then this flag has symbolized the freedom of the Hungarian nation.

This memorial is a symbolic grave. Here, on this square, several hundreds of people fell dead onto the ground due to the killer blow of a firing squad on October 25, 1956. Honour and remembrance to the victims!

The system of communism has fallen in every sense. However, it will be very hard to get rid of communism, for there is nobody as dangerous as the usurper of a faliled system who abandons the system but guards his loot and power position.'

As the day went on, I continued to ruminate about the facts I had researched, the places I visited, the flag that I saw. Perhaps as time goes on I will be able to present to you a more advanced synopsis or analysis of these events and these sights, but for now I feel that this is all I can leave you with.

How strange to have your freedom defined not by the attainment of something, but by the absence of something?

I am well aware at how culturally egocentric this may sound, but my upbringing was one that displayed our political freedom as something that we obtained. Freedom could be had so we took it, fought for it, and set an example that many other people groups within our very nation continued to model.

Anti-slavery, women's suffrage, civil rights...all these people saw that freedom could be had and pursued that. How backwards it seemed to me to look at freedom as the loss of something negative as opposed to the attainment of something positive.

Perhaps these historical events managed to influenced my ideas and ended up spilling over into my theology as well. How often do I seem to think of my salvation as the attainment of Christ's substitution and eternal life and less often as the removal of my sin. I wonder if the Hungarian people think their salvation is more so the removal of sin and not so much as their personal attainment of life.

Both sides are only half the picture, and dangerous without the other half.

Freedom has to be one of the strangest entities, ideologies, concepts that all humans struggle with. I have had a basic understanding of freedom for what seems like the whole of my life, but perhaps, I understand such a limited portion of what freedom truly is.

Photos

Just some photo to share...it's beautiful here

Horses in Hungary

As Csilla and I have been getting to know one another better, it didn't take her long to discover the strong affinity I possess for members of the equine race. As I shared about my horse briefly, I made an effort to provide a short synopsis and attempted to change the subject to something easier to talk about, something that was a common subject for the both of us. I have become farily used to the fact that not many other indivduals enjoy carrying on a conversation about large, four legged creatures we rarely even see, much less know anything about. You can imagine my suprise when Csilla expressed a strong interest in my equine endeavours.

As the conversation developed, she wanted to know generalities as well as details. Where my horse lived, how often I saw her, where I learned my training techniques, what the name was for a particular piece of equipment, and the all important question of how in the world I first developed an interest in these animals.

Questions led to explanations and explanations fed several other conversations that we had throughout the week. Csilla even stopped the lecture once when we arrved at a particular topic and told me 'Tell them about your horse'. The story she was looking for was not so much the fact that I had a horse, but the story of what this adventure has cultivated and produced in my life.

Over a potato soup lunch, one of the seminar participants asked me about the speciality I would be working in as a counselor. 'In such a large field', he said, 'what exactly will be your focus?' In response, I gave a nice, concise answer of my desire to perhaps work with young women or college age individuals. I gave the kosher response that I felt I could be effective in working with some of the issues faced by young women in our society.

Thinking that was a sufficient response, I broke eye contact and spooned a large amount of soup in my mouth. Just as I was doing this, my grandfather casually said 'And'. Acquisitively, I looked at him and said 'and what?'

'Equine therapy' he said.

Ah yes, he wanted me to share my desire to use equine therapy in my professional life. I have to tell you now that athough this is a strong desire of mine, I am uncertain about the practicality, ability and overall possibility of this becoming a reality for me. I guess you could say it's currently a dream, but has yet to be transformed into a tangible goal.

So, reluctantly, I told them about equine therapy. Naturally, I assumed that they would think it was strange, foreign, and perhaps some crazy, American, quasi-solution to societal problems. After all, I am still learning what the Hugarian concept of mental health is! Trying to understand their concepts of treatment is a whole 'nother ball game!

To my complete suprise...they loved it! And an instant connection was formed. It was phenomenal that, this one statement opened up a series of questions and interactive conversation fueled by four people who kept asking questions and kept expressing their ideas about it.

As their stories emerged, I discovered that one of the individuals in the conversation was a director of an elementary school and that at his school, they currently conduct equine therapy. Another shared about the research of equine therapy he had pursued and described the benefits of equine physical therapy that he had discovered.

They practically knew more about the topic than I did! And they were so enthusiastic about it! And as this enthusiasm was developing around me, I internally shook my head...I should have known.

Hungary, in it's origin, was strongly a horse country. For centuries, their existence was directly linked to the horse. And although many other cultures throughout history were similar in their equine dependence, the very life style of the Hungarian people was defined by the horse.

Smiling, one woman exclaimed rather proudly, 'We are a horse culture'.

That sentence quickly became somewhat of an understatement as I then recalled the information I had learned in one of the multiple horse encyclopedias I was mocked for reading as a child, but that nevertheless, I devoured.

Not only was the traditional Hungarian life style, schedule and existence dictated by the horse, they deliberately developed their equine connection further. Several hundred years ago, it was the Hungarian dedication to the animal that caused them to start some of the most progressive and successful breading schemes that ever existed. As a result, several of the world's most remarkable breeds of horses are in existence today.

In the later stages of our conversation, they shared about the national horse race that occurs every year in Budapest. It's a massive event in which each and every town in Hungary sends one horse and rider to compete and represent them in Budapest.

And so much work goes into making this happen! A special equine conducive footing is laid to cover the concrete ground in the city, accomidations are created for the various horse guests that arrive and much effort is put into the preperation. As you can imagine, hotels are brimming with people as they come from all over Hungary to watch this race that takes place in their capitol city. Banners, cheering, excitement... after this beautiful portrayal, I wanted to go!

How interesting this was to me. I was so mistaken. Here I though that these people would have thought that the concept of horse therapy is strange, useless or at the very least be skeptical. But how they embraced and advocated the concept! I wish I could have had a way to bottle up their belief and passion for this healing practice, take it with me, and spread it all around in the States.

Thinking further about this development, I wonder if perhaps this affinity is simply in their DNA. This thought was unexpectedly reinforced as I witnessed the excitement of an 18th month old baby as she watched a horse and rider pass by earlier today. Her grandmother said she was mesmerized; a feeling I can relate to completely.

As I now sit here as the day is winding down, it's so phenomenal to me how God uses the unique elements of your life to connect you with with people...even half way around the world. This shared interest later led to the discussion of other things; personal things. For some reason, the door was opened.

There is no way I could have told you on that first day I mounted a horse some fourteen years ago, that one day, I would be able to establish a connection with a group of eager Hungarian believers because of our mutual and passionate interest in the horse. But that's exactly what happened today.

Hello Hungary!

Tuesday evening, I stood on a cold platform at the Bratislava train station...waiting. The train, bound for Budapest was late, leaving me with no choice but to anticipate its unknown time of arrival in the cool breeze that tunneled through the station. Fortunatly, I wasn't alone and much to my delight, Olga offered to stay until the train came.

Through the wind we laughed once again as we had for the entirety of the trip; what a blessed soul she is. Similarities in our chosen vocation, educational path, struggles we faced as new counselors and our common belief in the healing assistance of animals were a few of the elements that had drawn us close. Trying to catch our breath through the laughter, the train finally pulled in.

Goodbyes were said and a genuinely sincere hug was given. I was then off to Hungary. As the train progressed towards a city I had been trying to get to since I was 18, I couldn't help but feel a slight sadness in my heart and doubt that my Hungarian experiene wounldn't match that of the one I had in Slovakia.

Two hours later, I stepped down off the train, only to have my doubts erased almost instantly. Eagerly, a tall, smiling woman made her way through the crowd and greated me with a hug whose caliber matched that of the one I had left in Slovakia. Finally, I had met Csilla.

And the laughter resumed! Being the first time that we had met one another, we were suprised how unlike our photos we were...thankfully! And, it wasn't long before I was sitting in a dazzling plaza enjoying a mozzarella and tomato salad, discussing which ice cream shop we would visit after dinner.

Concluding our stay in the plaza with a short trip inside H&M, we started the drive to Orbottyan. In the car, she shared about her niece, who recently became a Christian. I shared about my journey through graduate school and how I had learned more about myself than I had originally signed up for.

She was genuine, personable and fun...Hungary was going to be good.

The next morning, I was able to tour the grounds. For the next five days we are using the facilities of Ellel ministries, a British based organization that works in Eastern Europe. How refreshing it was! A forest boarded the southern side of the property, a small lake was right in the middle and the streets were fantastically muddy! Walking around in the fresh morning air, I heard the calls of sheep and horses, saw dogs playing in the sun and listened to the roosters alerting the town of the morning hour.

I feel that this is an appropriate time as any to tell you that I thoroughly enjoy any good European city. I'm a lover of food, classical music, and can spend hours in any art measume on the continent, but truly, in my heart of hearts, I am a small town girl! A day spent outside with my horse and dog getting respectably dirty and I couldn't be happier. Needless to say, my soul drank every drop of country goodness that was offered that first morning.

This morning, the conference participants arrived. Sixteen people (plus one 18 month old beautiful baby and her wonderful babysitting grandmother) make up our group. They are enjoyable people with whom I have already shared wonderful conversations.

I probably shouldn't say this, but of all the conversations that took place today, I did have a favorite. Stephan is a young Dutch man who has recently become engaged to his Hungarian girlfriend. Being from the same generation, we mutually expressed our frustrations in receiving the negative messages of marriage that are presented outside as well as inside the church.

He was tired. Tired of people portraying marriage as a chore and something in which the happiness you feel now will inevitably disappear. He was convinced that although he was lacking sufficient examples in his life, that marriage could and should be so much more, so much better than what the 'bitter' older couples had been telling him.

Listening to his frustration, I told him that four years ago my then fiance (now husband) and I were having the exact same conversation. I was able to share with him that my experience has been that if each individual is healthy coming into the marriage, things won't neccessarily go through all the pain that so many people have promised him would happen.

This is the message I feel God has given me. Amidst a society and church culture that say otherwise, marriage is fun, and certainly not the guarenteed frustration, pain, annoyance and difficulty that is so consistently preached.

It's not without challenges either, but predominantly because life is not without challenges. If you and your partner are healthy, God fearing inddividuals, the struggle is going to be out there, jointly battling the stresses a fallen world will inherently throw at you. The struggle is not (or at the very least, should not) be within the relationship.

I know I'm relatively new at this, but for the past four years this has been my life (any for what it's worth, I have seen it lived out in the lives of my parents, who will celebrate 30 years together next summer). I am well aware that due to our imperfect backgrounds, inidividual stressors and worldly challenges, that not every couple will have a marriage experience similar to mine. But should those individuals find themselves in a difficult situation, the one thing I would say would be to look at yourself.

The basic pre-requisite for marriage should be a willingness and a practice of self evaluation. Bring yourself before Christ and should you be brave enough, plea for His transforming evaluation of your life. But if you do so, be prepared to let go of your very self concept. Should you let Him, He will take all of what you think constitutes the substance of your being and begin by replacing each and every facet of yourself with the Truth that is Christ Himself.

Please don't think that I am in any way striving to discredit the difficulty that so many people suffer. I chose to be a counselor because I felt that God was desiring to use me to reach another individual in the midst of their pain and hurt.

I hope you don't get the feeling either that I don't see a need for counsel to be given by couples who have suffered and overcome their marriage difficulties. Those are some of the most powerful examples of the indwelling power of Christ we can be privileged to witness while we are still on this earth. But I hope you do hear what I am saying, that just as desperatly, we need GOOD examples. We need GOOD messages. Older generations, the message you have been sending is clear, and it's negative.

Instead of receiving warning and discouragement, my generation NEEDS to be encouraged, supported and allowed to be excited! Marriage is now, more that it has ever been, in danger of extinction, and it's with a heavy heart that I say the church has yet to provide a strong contradiction to the ideology we receive from the secular society.

In the entirety of this beautiful creation God gave existence to, He saw so much good in every portion of His work, except one. The only thing that was not good was the loneliness of man. With this in mind, perhaps we should put some effort in altering the sincerely damaging message of marriage we have supported for the past few decades.

My last breakfast in Bratislava

This morning was the fifth that I have spent in Slovakia, and my last. Sitting at my breakfast table, I listened to the rain hit the pavement just outside the window. Gentle conversations in Slovak and German were developing at the surrounding tables as I sat and enjoyed my last morning in this refreshing place.

Although not much my time was spent pursunig monuments and landmarks for which the city is known, I feel as though I have been privileged to experience a greater piece of Slovakia, a truer expression of its individual elements that equate to the beautiful constellation I have come to know. For I have spent the past five days with the people of Slovakia.

Yesterday afternoon, I spent several hours with three young Slovak women. Danka, Zuzana and Simona are all from Eastern Slovakia who have chosen to come to Bratislava to attend a one year Bible School. How connected I felt to these women. As the hours passed they related their difficulties with a prodigal sister, dominating boyfriend and a broken past. They expressed a sincere desire to understand God's will for their lives particularly in the context of what to do when they complete their Bible School program in May.

To all you attendants of Bodenseehof, or any other dearly love Bible School, I know your heart aches for them as well and, I know you fellow Bible students can fully understand the connection that was made between them and I. As I began to share, their expressions softened with gentle relief as I explained that six years ago, I was in a very, very similar situation.

With no plans of my own and more knowledge of what I didn't want to do than what I did want to do, I found myself in a situation that was heartbreaking and bewildering. But, as I shared how God's faithfulness was expressed to me stronger then than it ever had been before, I found myself smiling with a certain ironical understanding.

Six years ago this August, I left my Bible School in Fishbach, Germany and boarded a plane from London to Denver with dissapointment, lament and plenty of tears. Yesterday, I found myself in Bratislava, Slovakia pouring out my heart to these young women, with a message of 'I've been there, and there is hope'.

At one point in the conversation, Danka expressed her frustration in her own wavering ability to comprehensively trust God and with confidence, I was able to relate to her that fortunately our amount of faith in God does not determine the amount of faithfulness He expresses to us; something I don't think I would have bee able to say had I not walked onto that Colorado bound plane six years ago.

Looking back over my time here in Sovakia, I could tell you about the memorable architecture of Saint Michael's, the lack of adequate parking or the controversial upcoming elections, but I feel it would all be information you could find in a travel guide or on the pages of CNN.com.

What I will tell you is that once again God's people are compassionate. Their cultural background may cause them to be hesitant to publically answer a speakers question, their narrow streets may demand they drive smaller cars and their progressive educational system may produce tri-lingual eighth graders, but despite the differences, the redemptive nature of Christ's love is repetitively the underlying connection that unites sanctified saints worldwide.

March 14

You will be glad to know that the beef steak and I ended up getting along quite well. Something Olga was eager to learn first thing this morning.

Being that it is Sunday, we headed to Olga's church for the morning service. Upon stepping inside the building, I was presented with a wonderful combination of a crowded foyer, traditional hymns and a message delivered in a strange mix of slovak and Czech that was then translated into English.

Following the service, we were fortunate to get to spend more time in Olga's home. I joined in the food preperation and conversation while trying to explain the importance of mexican food to Americans.

By 1:00 PM we were back at the office and started the final four hours of the seminar. After the conclusion of the lecture I was fortunate to get the opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with a few of the women who were attendants at the seminar...lovely people.

People who shared thier lives, love stories and genuine hope to see good things come about in thier life time; people who unknowingly, perfectly expressed equal parts authentic personality and encouragement.

Below is a photo of most of the seminar participants.

After tearing down the additional tables, stacking the chairs and packing up our materials, dinner was next on the agenda. We returned to Olga's house to eat and I feel that it is now time to introduce you to my new but dear friend.

His name is Berry, and although there is much debate within the family on his exact age, weight and general intelligence, he doesn't seem to mind being mistaken. As long as he can wiggle under the table durng dinner and go for a car ride every now and then, he appears to be fairly content.

Over dinner, with Berry lying under my chair, we swapped stories about camping, dogs and ice cream; the simple things that inherently compose the details of our lives.

Although David explained Berry as 'smelling not so good', he has indeed warmed my heart and filled the role of pet I have missed these past few days.